$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
