i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
