Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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