Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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