She went from zero to smokin in five shots
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
