Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
