I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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