is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
