Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
