Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
