this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
