It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
