We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
