LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
