today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
