ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
