I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
two words: eviction party
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
