remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
