I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
