I am in a vortex of obligation.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
