he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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