she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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