just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
