One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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