So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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