Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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