the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
