I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
