youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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