a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think i got beer on your cat.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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