Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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