That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
