hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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