he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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