Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
