I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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