The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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