So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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