Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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