so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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