"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
