Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
