Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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