You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
