T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
