p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
