So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
