i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
