just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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