So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
