I wish my penis had an off switch
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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