I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
