I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
