you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
