great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
