I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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