she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
